Went to court yesterday.
Pause for dramatic effect. Yes, I went to court to represent myself.
I stood accused of crossing railroad tracks while the guard rails were down. The undercover officer pulled me aside, wrote me a ticket, made me miss the train and handed me a summons. It was a less than stellar start to a day a few months ago. That said, at the time of the alleged crime, the train was not in sight and I was in a rush to get to the office to prep for a meeting, so it was particularly irksome.
So I look up the statute to figure out what I'm legally charged with and what the penalty is. I mean, I figure, I wasn't arrested, right? I wasn't stealing anything, robbing anyone, hurting anyone. If anything, I had allegedly endangered myself with the potential to inconvenience others--something akin to a traffic violation. So I look at the ticket to find the Penal Code and it says (I kid you not) "LIRR Rules + Regs". I wasn't even getting charged under NYS law. I had to show up at the criminal courthouse, because the NYPD was considered executors of LIRR Rule + Regulation enforcement. Terrific. But none of this is the real point.
The LIRR R+Rs (as I like to call them), lump everything you could possibly do wrong on the railroad into one level of crime and can fine you up to $50 or sentence you to up to 30 days in prison or both. This includes things like carrying explosives or firearms onto the trains, trespassing, vandalizing, bringing an animal onto the train, doing drugs, spitting, charging a phone, and assault. Pretty awesome to know the law is designed with no levels.
Which is why it has to go to a judge. Couldn't just give me a ticket and I could send in $50 and go on with my life. It cost me a half hour, $50 and the destruction of my self-esteem by a train full of commuters passing and laughing at me for being stupid enough to get a ticket.
But now, the real point: court is intimidating. I wasn't exactly pissing my pants, but when they called up the first guy on reckless driving and sentenced in LESS THAN 10 SECONDS, I certainly wasn't comfortable. Years of Mock Trial and Boston Legal had not prepared me for the 10-second-arraignment. This was followed by people being called for illegal dumping, public urination, trespassing, and a whole slew of other fun things. So when I got up there, I asked the judge to clarify the charge, to make sure it wasn't a misdemeanor (in NYS, if the possible prison term is over 15 days, it's considered a misdemeanor), he said he'd reduce it just to the $50 fine, so I apologized and told him I was in a hurry for the train because of work (which I was) and that I wouldn't do it again (which I haven't), and he only seemed concerned with "Pay now?" and my response "Yes." I didn't bring up the fact that the officer had misnumbered my address, had not asked me to sign the summons, had been a little sloppy with his procedure, because I didn't want to have to come back for a trial. It was a really surreal situation with translators and bailiff power trips and marriage licenses and a guy insisting that he wouldn't plead guilty to a traffic violation because he would have a criminal record because of it (only misdemeanors and felonies constitute a record). I was glad to get out of there in just over an hour. In fact, I considered myself lucky.
Imagine that.
Pause for dramatic effect. Yes, I went to court to represent myself.
I stood accused of crossing railroad tracks while the guard rails were down. The undercover officer pulled me aside, wrote me a ticket, made me miss the train and handed me a summons. It was a less than stellar start to a day a few months ago. That said, at the time of the alleged crime, the train was not in sight and I was in a rush to get to the office to prep for a meeting, so it was particularly irksome.
So I look up the statute to figure out what I'm legally charged with and what the penalty is. I mean, I figure, I wasn't arrested, right? I wasn't stealing anything, robbing anyone, hurting anyone. If anything, I had allegedly endangered myself with the potential to inconvenience others--something akin to a traffic violation. So I look at the ticket to find the Penal Code and it says (I kid you not) "LIRR Rules + Regs". I wasn't even getting charged under NYS law. I had to show up at the criminal courthouse, because the NYPD was considered executors of LIRR Rule + Regulation enforcement. Terrific. But none of this is the real point.
The LIRR R+Rs (as I like to call them), lump everything you could possibly do wrong on the railroad into one level of crime and can fine you up to $50 or sentence you to up to 30 days in prison or both. This includes things like carrying explosives or firearms onto the trains, trespassing, vandalizing, bringing an animal onto the train, doing drugs, spitting, charging a phone, and assault. Pretty awesome to know the law is designed with no levels.
Which is why it has to go to a judge. Couldn't just give me a ticket and I could send in $50 and go on with my life. It cost me a half hour, $50 and the destruction of my self-esteem by a train full of commuters passing and laughing at me for being stupid enough to get a ticket.
But now, the real point: court is intimidating. I wasn't exactly pissing my pants, but when they called up the first guy on reckless driving and sentenced in LESS THAN 10 SECONDS, I certainly wasn't comfortable. Years of Mock Trial and Boston Legal had not prepared me for the 10-second-arraignment. This was followed by people being called for illegal dumping, public urination, trespassing, and a whole slew of other fun things. So when I got up there, I asked the judge to clarify the charge, to make sure it wasn't a misdemeanor (in NYS, if the possible prison term is over 15 days, it's considered a misdemeanor), he said he'd reduce it just to the $50 fine, so I apologized and told him I was in a hurry for the train because of work (which I was) and that I wouldn't do it again (which I haven't), and he only seemed concerned with "Pay now?" and my response "Yes." I didn't bring up the fact that the officer had misnumbered my address, had not asked me to sign the summons, had been a little sloppy with his procedure, because I didn't want to have to come back for a trial. It was a really surreal situation with translators and bailiff power trips and marriage licenses and a guy insisting that he wouldn't plead guilty to a traffic violation because he would have a criminal record because of it (only misdemeanors and felonies constitute a record). I was glad to get out of there in just over an hour. In fact, I considered myself lucky.
Imagine that.
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